Having Fun with Parenting

2015-04-life-of-pix-free-stock-photos-kid-boy-bubbles-back-leeroy-copieI saw an article in the December 2014 issue of Today’s Parent magazine and it was a good reminder that we parents CAN have fun while parenting. We think that being parents means that we have to be serious when it comes to dealing with our children’s behaviours.

Here are some fun ways to deal with some of those day-to-day things:

Can’t get your child to get dressed in the morning? This can be a real pain so add a bit of silliness.
Put your child’s pants on his head and as you struggle to put them on his head, you’ll find your child laughing at how silly you are and correcting you as to where the pants actually go.

Mealtimes can become quite a battleground with children not wanting to eat what’s on their plates.
Make dinnertime about conversation not about the food. Sit down and talk about the best/worst/silliest/funniest part of the day. Once children are talking they will forget what’s on their plate. You could also use something like the “Ungame” for conversation starters.

If the dinner table has become a real battleground, shake it up a bit. Take a blanket, spread it UNDER the table and eat there. The children will be so excited about this that they will forget about what is on their plate.

“Please use words that I can understand.” can be frustrating to continually say as well as hear.
So instead say, “Can you please change the channel? This seems to be the whining channel.” Then go up and push the child’s nose as if you were changing the channel on the TV.

Children will fight and it is healthy for them to fight and to be able to work their battles on their own once they have been taught how problem solving skills, but once in a while this is fun too when you see two children fighting over a toy.
Grab the toy they are fighting over turn it over in your hands while saying, “No wonder you guys are fighting over this toy! This is so cool. I want to play with it!” then run away with the toy. The children will end up chasing you for the toy, working together to get the toy back from you. Once they have gotten the toy back you can tell them what a good job they did at working together to get the toy back from you.

Once the clean up song stops working it’s time to switch things up a bit.
Have the children pretend that they are vacuum cleaners or magnets.
Do something similar to musical chair and play music while the toys are being picked up and whoever has a toy in their hand when the music goes off needs to pick up two toys.
Play cumulative clean up. Have each child pick up one toy and put it away, then two at a time, then three at a time, etc. Once it gets to be too large of a number, then decrease the number of toys they need to pick up at a time.

Here‘s a nice way to deal with the procrastinating child.
After the story, drink, toilet, tuck your child into bed. Have you child come up with a happy thought or a happy place. Have him talk about this place or thought. Then slowly count from 5 and “Poof!” the spell has been cast. Clap your hands, pretend to crack an egg and then run your hands down your child’s body to spread the yolk all the way down to his toes. Now your child has been covered with a love yolk. This is a nice way to get them relaxed and settled in for the night.

Kids and Screen Time

I just read an interesting article written by Jordan Shapiro, PhD in Depth Psychology. The article was about how the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) have just changed their guidelines on screen time. They used to recommend that children under the age of 2 have no screen time and that screen time for older children be limited to just 2 hours a day. Now the guidelines that they are suggesting are much less rigid.

The AAP suggests that we not think of it as “screen time” anymore but rather as “time”. Screens are everywhere and are a reality of the times in which we live. We have to look at how we integrate these screen into our lives and the lives of our families and children.

Shapiro quotes from the book Speed Limits: Where Time Went And Why We Have So Little Left, written by Mark C. Taylor, “Like today’s parents concerned about the psychological and physical effects of their kids playing video games, nineteenth-century physicians worried about the effect of people sitting in railway cars for hours watching the world rush by in a stream of images that seemed to be detached from real people and actual things.” He further quotes Taylor with regards to people’s  initial responses to the steam-engine: “some physicians went so far as to maintain that the experience of speed caused ‘neurasthenia, neuralgia, nervous dyspepsia, early tooth decay, and even premature baldness.’”

What I take from these quotes is that change, newness, in this case the rapidly changing technology, is scary. It’s scary because we don’t know what the future holds in relation to these changes. While we can’t predict the outcome of the effect of technology on the lives of our children, no more that they could predict the effect of riding on a fast train, years ago. Therefore, the AAP suggests the following guidelines for integrating technology in a healthy way:

  1. Think of media as just another environment. Some environments are real and some are virtual and some environments have positive effects and others don’t.
  2. Parenting has not changed. The same parenting rules apply to your children’s real and virtual environments. Play with them. Set limits; kids need and expect them. Teach kindness. Be involved. Know their friends and where they are going with them.
  3. Be a role model. Limit your use of media and show them what is appropriate to do and share online. Parenting does require time away from screens.
  4. We learn from each other. Neuroscience research shows that very young children learn best via two-way communication. “Talk time” between caregiver and child remains critical for language development. Passive video programs do not lead to language learning in infants and young toddlers. The more media engender live interactions, the more educational value they may hold (e.g., a toddler chatting by video with a parent who is traveling). Optimal educational media opportunities begin after age 2, when media may play a role in bridging the learning achievement gap.
  5. Content matters. The quality of content is more important than the platform or time spent with media. Prioritize how your child spends his time rather than just setting a timer.
  6. Be an informed consumer. Many apps are labeled as educational but an interactive product requires more than “pushing and swiping” to teach. Look to organizations like Common Sense Media (www.commonsensemedia.org) that review age-appropriate apps, games and programs.
  7. Engage with your child. Play a video game with your child. Give your child your perspective on the game of media that is being used so that they can learn to be discriminating. For infants and toddlers, co-viewing is essential.
  8. Playtime is important. Unstructured playtime stimulates creativity and is a MUST. Prioritize daily unplugged playtime.
  9. Set limits. Technology use, like all other activities, should have reasonable limits. Look at whether your child’s technology use helps or hinders participation in other activities?
  10. It’s OK for your teen to be online. Online relationships are integral to adolescent development. Social media can support identity formation. Teach your teen appropriate behaviors that apply in both the real and online worlds. Ask teens to demonstrate what they are doing online to help you understand both content and context. In other words, stay connected and involved.
  11. Create tech-free zones. Preserve family mealtime. Recharge devices overnight outside your child’s bedroom. These actions encourage family time, healthier eating habits and healthier sleep.
  12. Children will make mistakes.  These can be teachable moments if handled with empathy. Certain behaviours, however, such as sexting or posting self-harm images, signal a need to assess youths for other risk-taking behaviours.

Making connections

                             Disconnecting to connect.